In reference to broken hearts 
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Reply to: pers-553409946@craigslist.org
Date: 2008-01-27, 11:17AM MST
This is a bit lengthy so if you have serious ADHD don't bother. Reading some of these bitter posts concerning women or men (seems mostly women on this board) reminded me of a blog a friend of mine wrote on the game of love.
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*Insert Something Catchy Here*
I do believe that I've figured it all out. Finally. Let me be the first to tell you.... it sucks. It eats away at the very souls of everyone who plays the game.
Everyone plays.
Even once you truly believe you've won... you're still playing. The game goes on and on until we take our final breath. The game doesn't take endurance. One round can and will wear down even the most fit. It doesn't take practice, although we want to believe we get better with time. However, with more failures, there are small chances for inevitable success. Very small chances.
In this game, sadly, most lose.
You're probably playing it right now. Probably loosing.
I suppose I've beaten around this bush to the point of a mere stalk remaining. So lets dig out its roots. They say "Tis better to of loved and lost, than not loved at all". I must say I disagree.
Pain. Pain is payment upon loosing that love. Whether your decision to end things or not.... maybe not a decision of this world at all, pain is the only payment plan. How people handle that pain is an entirely different level to the game. Believe me, we'll touch on that as well.
Billy runs around the playground pinching Julie. Pulling her hair. Purposely embarrassing her. Billy is now playing the game. Already, he's loosing. He blurts out "Cootie's" or some other childish term when Julie reacts the only way she knows how... with some form of affection. Julie now plays the game. Already, she's loosing. Julie cries when her hair gets pulled. Billy screams when his cheek gets kissed. The game is in full swing.
Julie grows faster. At this point in life, she's taller. She's more mature. Her affection turns to someone older that she won't succeed in getting. Billy's focus goes to baseball or video games. He fails to notice that Julie is turning into a lovely young lady. While Billy is out riding his bike, Julie spends her hours reading. Although the game is still being played, this is the most peaceful part. Julie swoons over that which she can't have all the while Billy ignores what he'll one day watch walk away.
Billy and Julie, whom I've failed to mention probably live in the same area... maybe even the same street, now are close friends. Julie tells Billy all her secrets, all the while Billy's jealousy starts to climb. He's too scared to tell her he loves her. Julie goes out with the joc's. Billy listens to their stories in the gym. The true pain begins.
Billy finally decides it's time to tell Julie about his love. She sheds a single tear before telling him he's too late. She's fallen for Steven. She asks Billy for his friendship. She doesn't want to lose her best friend. It's too late. They'll continue to talk... conversations growing shorter. Billy's pain and jealousy will grow to the point that he'll finally move along. He'll date. He'll take Erica to the prom. He'll search the rest of his days for someone exactly like Julie. The game truly sucks.
And to think... we're only a few years into the game.
I've noticed a trend, and had the opportunity reciently to talk about this with someone who enlightened me to a few details I hadn't considered. People want the chase. They love to fish... but catching the fish just isn't the same. Some will do everything they possibly can to keep the fish.... all the while the fish just wants to be released. The catcher is "overbearing" or "annoying". So what do we do? I suppose we simply keep fishing. This too, I'll touch more on later.
In the game we play, there are NO rules. The "Jim Crowe" laws of dating have so many exceptions that rules couldn't possibly apply. Here are some that I've attempted, but obviously... I'm still a failure.
1.) "Treat her like a princess".... Here's where the overbearing part comes in. There seems to be no true happy median. Either you're trying to hard to be around her, do what makes her happy, keep her happy... or you're simply not doing enough. You find one who loves attention... but you don't give enough. You find another who loves it... but not all the time... and you give too much.
2.) "Let her treat you like a king".... The only guys who get those types of girls are the ones who DON'T want the attention. Simple as that. I've seen more amazing girls fail because of being overbearing that I honestly am scared shitless of overbearing ladies in general. Why can't the overbearing guys and the overbearing girls find each other??? Oh wait... I already know... because the overbearing girl, doesn't like attention.
3.) "Don't call for at least two days after getting the number.".... I always, ALWAYS, seem to get impatient. Once I've met someone that I'm truly interested in, I'm like a dorky kid in the library... I want as much knowledge as possible. I want to talk to them... I want to know about them. EVERY single time I've ever waited... I lost their number. Somehow, and I can't figure it out for the life of me, I figure out a way to delete it from my phone, or lose the damned cocktail napkin. (I honestly think text is the missing link here though... I haven't had enough time to evaluate the text side of things yet)
4.) "Don't fucking lie".... Bullshit. Every girl I've ever asked "What do you look for in a guy" have all said "honesty." However, then at some point, they'll ask questions they don't truly want to know the answers to. "Does this make me look big?" "How many people have you been with?" and so on. Questions where the truth shall set you free... literally. Free to sleep on the couch. Free to have dinner alone. Or in a worst case scenario... free to autograph the divorce papers. No girl wants a completely honest guy. Believe me... I'm extremely blunt. I hate lying. I suck at lying. I, "look to the left each time I try to lie" and everyone seems to catch it. Why in the hell must women ask questions that force men to lie. I wish they would all live by my simple slogan of, "If you don't want to know the answer, don't ask the fucking question."
Sadly, I'm begining to get the belief that love is simply a myth. Marriages today seem to consist of nothing but convenience. Comfort zones. Once one person gets comfortable... they can't seem to back away. I know people right now, who are with people, but truly long to be with another... but due to comfort zones they won't take the risk. Those people are doing more injustice to the people they are with by staying with them than by doing the honest thing. All because of comfort zones everyone suffers. I suppose comfort zones aren't quite so comfortable after all.
Rushed decisions. I ROCK at this. I wear my heart on my sleeve, and give it to people WAY too fast for my own good. I'll make someone the center of my world way before I realize, "Jesus... this person blows". Luckily I realize my mistakes befor the comfort zones kick into place.
Regardless to the bitterness I have towards love. I can't seem to give it up. I can't seem to let go of the hope, that I WILL win this game one day. That I'll meet that one person whom I click with in damned near every single way. I can't give up on the fact that she'll be my best friend in the world, and know exactly what to do to make me smile. With each failure, the chance for success grows.
We can't help but to fuck up. We can't help but to make bad decisions. We can't help but to fail so many times that we're scared shitless to even try again.
Everyone plays...
I mentioned earlier that the only payment is pain. Pain seems to be the greatest factor in this game. How people deal with that pain differs. You have some that just simply pretend its not there, until months later and they completely shut down or blow up. You have those who have bouts with depression that would make even Ghandi himself would consider suicide. You have those who over analyze it. Try to figure out exactly why it happened "in the numbers". You have those who use people to get over the pain they refuse to express. Rebounds. Got to love the rebound. Being a rebound is the only thing in this game that scares me more than overbearing women.
I want to be one half of that old couple that sits in the rocking chairs on the front porch ranting at the cars that speed by. I want to give everything I possibly can to someone. I want to know that love exists. Failure after failure only discerns me more and more. It makes me want to give up and become that true asshole guy that gets all the amazing girls. Only to hurt those amazing girls. This game sucks, but god damnit... I love it.
I know that some of you could have possibly asked yourselves if I'm talking about you. The vagueness applies to everyone who has ever played this game. If you've asked yourself if I'm talking of you... well... not directly. Obviously though, if you had to ask... you already know the answer. I had no one person in mind during any of this. Just simply thought I would share.
Pain... and thank you for still reading as I know this is getting rather lengthy. Next blog will be about Cecily, and then you truly will understand what I mean by pain... and the longterm effects of pain.
That is all...
Everyone looses.
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My Response:
I could say I understand and yes I agree....in fact I do......but it seems that I say that without contributing further incite....really wish I could but I can't.
You know what I've put myself through, gone through, etc. You're right (and you say "of course I am"). I seem to fall into painful situations; whether it be with someone verbally, psychologically, or emotionally abusive. Sometimes it's with someone who hurt me unintentionally yet with lasting results. Then again there are the ones whom I've hurt unintentionally who are unable to forgive and I'm unable to move on. I suppose that's the part that hurts the most. There are other rules I suppose regarding how much you feel towards the other person too soon (wait a month? week? year?), not being up front with what you want in life, or settling for less............I think I've been settling for less.
I've personally been avoiding the game as much as I can. I can't say I'm not playing it as of now but..............truthfully avoiding personal contact with another individual for fear you're going to hurt them or vise versa..........that sucks too................so yes....I suppose I'm losing no matter what I'm doing. I do know that as of now I'm not fishing. I've currently lost desire because what's the point. I show desire yet none is returned. I'm desired yet it's not happening due to whatever recent situation. It's come to the point where I just don't even pursue or even try anymore.
Also there is the issue of I'm either too aggressive or not aggressive enough. I want too much or not enough. There's also the issue of "well he treats me like a queen but there is no playful debate, banter or conversation while he stimulates my mind but has no further romantic intentions". Stimulate the mind and endure romantic deprivation or be treated like a queen and not be able to hold a conversation? Tough call........
Of course other things are depressing me majorly but this subject has crossed my mind at least once a day this week and more than once today.....thank you for letting me know I'm not alone.........
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Thought you guys would like an interesting and thoughtful perspective from two adults =D
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